The 'Bite' Conspiracy
by Veilwuarrah
Summary: Merlin has a toothache and Arthur is determined to help him; even if it freaks the warlock out and tries to get away from the idea. (Something for my own sanity) Oneshot. Humor/bromance/mild whump


**This is… yea.. this is just completely reflecting of my current pains and problems and I just really needed to vent and make something of it to make all the friggin' pain count in a creative way.. yes.. whip everything towards a creative outlet.. ****I'm suffering miserably at the dentist… had to make something out of it. Merlin now suffers with me.**

**(Wash your teeth kids! Eat the toothpaste if you have to! but dang…no escaping genetics.)**

**.**

**The "Bite me" Conspiracy**

.*.

It was constant. It was bothersome, sometimes just a persisting nag in the background, other times it mercilessly clouded over all the other things he had to keep in mind and by the Gods, he had a lot to keep in mind.

_Armor, polish, yes, bring potion to Sir Whats-his-name, lunch, sword, sharpen, armory, herbs, library, herbs, laundry, that other pair of sock from under the bed, shine boots, training.. oh Gods.. training.._

"..you're half asleep today!" Arthur snapped at him, after getting no reaction out of him on.. on.. well, honestly he had no idea what the king has been talking about for the better part of the morning.

"Sorry, Sire.." he mumbled and tried to compose himself blinking a few times.

The blonde looked at him with a frown.

"Is something wrong?"

"No! Not at all.." the warlock tried to be convincing, but it was just one of those mornings; when the pain was overshadowing everything and it felt it's going to tear a gash in his flesh from the ache alone.

Arthur stepped closer to observe him, and Merlin tried to look like himself, giving a slight grin.

"What?"

"You're sweating." The young man stated.

Merlin reached up to rub his forehead and indeed he felt the skin to be clammy under his touch. It also didn't elude the king that his hand trembled slightly.

Arthur tossed the quill and parchment to the table and stood akimbo in front of his manservant, glaring at the man with something of a hint of worry in his eyes.

"What is it, Merlin?"

The warlock shook his head. He became accustomed to hiding things, so much so that even now, when it was just the two of them in the king's chambers, he just instinctively brushed it under the rug. His input was needed for the task at hand, but he had to agree, he's been anything but helpful so far.

"It's not like you to go quiet and be reserved when composing a speech. Something's up. Now tell me. What is it?"

"It's.." he shook his head again, but as Arthur stared at him he figured he will just come clean with as much. "I got a headache.. a.. a toothache."

"Toothache?" the king repeated incredulously. "Is that it?"

"Pretty much." The servant mumbled.

"Have you told Gaius? He could just.."

"Yes.. I took a draught this morning, just.. waiting for the effect." He smiled sheepishly.

Arthur frowned at him.

"It's not working is it?"

Merlin shook his head after some hesitation. "I've been taking more and more but it has less and less effect." He blurted out then blinked at his outburst. Clearly it was bothering him more then he let on, the realization somewhat new to him as well. It was chewing at his nerves. Slowly. And painfully.

"Merlin, you can't keep doing that, those potions eat away at your stomach. Just have it .."

"No..! it will get better, I just have to wait it out." He cut in, knowing where Arthur as going. He knew. Alright. He _knew_ that at this point _that _was the only solution, but… it just seemed too.. too.. rough. He wasn't scared or anything.. he just… he believed in gentler methods. That's all.

"_Mer_lin. Just have it pulled out."

"_No_!" he retorted gripping the prince's leftovers "Don't be such a coward, Merlin!" Arthur snapped, but before anything could be said, his servant stormed out the room, leaving a very confused young man to stare at the door where he had just disappeared behind.

The king's expression then changed into a knowing smile with a hint of mischief.

_"Pull it out"_ Merlin grumbled as he strode across the hallways towards the kitchens. It was the very same thing Gaius said all calmly and took out a very fierce looking instrument to 'get it out and be done with it' – that is, before Merlin ran for his life with some random excuse. ("Nah, it doesn't really hurt anymore! _Honest!_")

Having a piece of you ripped out of your body can't be something normal! _It just can't!_ No matter how calmly everyone seemed to talk about it. He refused to accept it. There had to be another way..

He had tried. He really had.

Tried all means he found in books. He tried all potions and spells; the ones that worked best numbed his face for a half a day, but the little bugger was just getting persisting.. and he was becoming more and more desperate, yet running out of options. And he was becoming more and more frustrated.

He glanced down at Arthur's plate while he walked and spotted a small piece of radish left. Without much of a thought he picked it up and tossed it in his mouth. However the next moment the hallway got filled with the sound of platters and trays crashing and echoing along as the servant flinched in pain from the careless bite and dropped everything in hand.

Merlin spent some time crouched on the ground holding onto his jaw and nothing filled his mind but the burning pain searing through his whole being at that moment. He didn't even feel up to cursing and just begged the Gods and all the spirits he could think of, that it would stop and that none will come around to see him in such pathetic manner he was in. When the feeling subsided enough he started to carefully move around and gather the things he dropped, realizing along the way that there was sweat covering him again.

_There has to be a way.. _

He just had no idea what that was; just like he had no idea of the king, that stood staring at the scene the whole time.

.*.

Merlin had a feeling Arthur won't keep his mouth shut about the servants problem, and his conviction of this was becoming more certain as throughout the day he started to receive all sorts of _bright _ideas and solutions on how to get rid of his problem/tooth. Of all the hair raising ideas the knights came forward with when alone with the manservant, either approaching him in the armory or meeting him on the hallway, Sir Percival managed to scare the warlock the most with a simple statement of "I could pull it out for you. I have pulled teeth out before." It sounded so wrong. It wasn't an unimaginable thing, seeing how he cracked his knuckles but Merlin just didn't want to let himself sink into that image, so he made a run for it. - _ no, he didn't run, he just remembered other important chores he had to get done somewhere at the other end of the castle._

By the time evening arrived he was equally stressed out as much as consumed by the excruciating pain and found the potions were gnawing at his stomach like a famished dog chewing a bone; more so that he hasn't managed – or dared – to eat anything all day.

He just wanted to get back to his own cot, shut the door, take a sleeping draught and escape the ache and the nagging.

But then Gwaine came along with his wide grin and high spirits and Merlin couldn't help but stare at him with suspicion, however the knight had just returned from a four day patrol so it wasn't unusual that he was determined to get himself a*s drunk and drag as many people with him as he could; Merlin being one of his first choices to nag to join him on many occasions.

The warlock tried to dodge the invitations (demands) but the man was adamant and Merlin couldn't help but get wary of it. Associating their skills and traits with each knight, regarding the "solutions" they offered, looking at Gwaine the manservant figured he doesn't want to get his tooth knocked out in a tavern brawl, but seeing as how Leon was joining them too, he brushed it off thinking he's probably just paranoid after a day of getting harassed like that on the matter.

The evening was like always; jug after jug; joke after joke; anecdotes about women and fights; and he found the ale was actually helping dim the pain a little. It did come odd to him how Gwaine would take it slow with his own cup, glancing at Leon, but would refill Merlin's cup and urge him to drink more and more, but his head was swirling too much by the time he noticed to word any of it. It couldn't have been more then two hours but they had drunk for what it felt like the whole of Camelot's health, - each citizen separately; - and to victories of past and victories to come, and fallen friends; and friends they will make in the future, and Merlin felt if the tavern owner's dog would have puppies now they would have to drink to those too.

Slowly they staggered from the inn and Merlin stopped by an alley to relieve himself, for a moment not sure '_which end feeling more urgent'_. Time was a blur and his surroundings wobbled like something terrible. His buddies held onto him while he retched some of the ale, and laughed how he can't hold his drink, and at some distant part of Merlin's mind the realization rang that he will hate himself the following day, as well as hate Gwaine for the following week, but right now the world just seemed.. good. And they sang all the songs they knew as they strutted and wobbled up the dark streets towards the castle.

Merlin felt he will just pass out on his feet, and he didn't care anymore if they would just leave him in the hallway or on the stairs, it really _really_ didn't make a difference anymore. He felt horrible; blissfully horrible; horribly blissful. Damned be all. Who cared. Who knew..

Some faint sparkle of worry raised in his chest when he saw that despite the late hour Gaius was awake when they dragged him back to the physician's chambers, and Percival was there too.. and Arthur as well. What as going on? Were they waiting for him? Was someone hurt? Did something happen? Why were they there?

Merlin felt they had him sit onto a chair in the middle of the room, that had a bucket next it and then..

.*.

Pain.

And taste of blood.

He couldn't for the life of him remember what had happened after that, and figured trying to remember was as useless as ideas can get. It just hurt his head.

_Oh, his head_. It really hurt. Gods, what would his mother think of him should she see her son now..? - What an odd thing to think.. anyway.

He realized he was laying on his stomach on his cot. – least, he hoped it was his own cot. He wouldn't want to be waking up in someone else's bed while he felt to be in such a mess.

He pulled his hand towards his head.

_Oh damn_, he will need a bucket of pain relevant tonics.. or he should just chew the herbs.. chew. Hm. _Chew.._

He was about to go further on the thought when he realized the steely smell and his fingers touched something dried on his face, then there was that awful taste in his mouth.

His mind was slow, but slowly he opened his eyes wide.

_The bastards…._

They got him drunk on purpose.. he was slowly putting the pieces of this great conspiracy together, of Gwaine's persistence, the drinking, and why Arthur and Percival had been present the night before.

He groaned. What wouldn't he give to just sink back into oblivion now.

"Gaius..!" His voice was hoarse.

As no reply came he soon found himself stumbling out into the physician's chamber, only to find it empty with a note on the table, letting him know the physician had been called away. It had a vial of red liquid next to it, which Merlin easily recognized.

He grabbed it and stormed out of their quarters.

"What on earth..?" Arthur took a double glance at him as he barged into the royal chambers – no knocking of course. The warlock had been fuming, but had since calmed down as he strode across the halls to reach the king's chambers.

_"You.."_ he started pointing at the young man, still swaying a bit.

"Merlin, there.. something on your face?" Arthur seemed to battling between concern and amusement as he watched his manservant straighten himself and put his hand on his face.

"Oh ..that." he mumbled.

"Clean yourself up, Merlin." The king said and the young man turned to the small table a few steps from him and dipping the cloth he found near the bow of water, he carefully dabbed at his face, glancing up in the mirror. He had a nasty smudge of dried blood on his right cheek, that obviously had seeped through his mouth and dried onto his skin in his sleep.

Arthur kept his eyes on him, wondering what to say next, and by the time Merlin turned around he shared the blonde's smirk.

"You did it. You actually did it." He said and was feeling rather ridiculous for getting so riled up about it and paced back to the king's table.

"You left me no choice." Arthur said as plainly as he could. "You were becoming a horrible servant. Even worse then you usually are."

"Right.." Merlin scoffed and tossed the cloth on the table, or rather he intended to, but missed and the rag fell to the ground. Arthur gave it only a glance and was about to go back to his papers when he saw his servant bending over to pick it up.

_"Ohw..!"_ Merlin flinched picking his head up and staggering.

"Whoa whoa.. easy there!" Arthur jumped in an instant and gripped his arm to hold him uptight, keeping his right hand on his servants chest to be sure he doesn't stumble. "You can't do that yet." He said at his blinking servant then led him to a chair. "Sit."

The warlock obeyed without much of a word and had his hand on his face. _That_ just didn't feel right.

"You're such a girl, Merlin." Arthur scoffed, picking up the rag and something else from the ground and placing them on the table then turning back to his friend. Merlin just hissed and looked at him.

"What did Gaius tell you?"

"Didn't tell me anything." He backed, jaw still tense, mouth still halfway behind his palm. "Gaius wasn't in." he added more quietly.

"Alright then, I'll tell you. Least a day off. No picking at the bloodclog, no drinking anything too hot or too cold, no drinking milk, or cheese or anything milky, eat carefully and avoid the right side, no lifting anything heavy and _no_ _leaning down._ Understood?"

"Yes." Merlin nodded feeling smaller by each minute, not knowing how to handle what he felt at that moment, then saw Arthur hold a vial to him. The painkiller.. right. It must've fallen from his grasp.

He took it and uncorked it then carefully drank it in one go, then gratefully accepted the cup of water the king offered to wash down the taste.

Arthur looked at him a little while longer, then sat back with a smirk.

"There, now isn't that all better?" he asked gleefully.

Merlin's glance was sharp as daggers, but then he eased into a smile and nodded.

"Come now, the patrol is about to ride out, I got some last minute orders to give out." The young king stood and his manservant followed.

Merlin suddenly felt comfortable with the idea of strutting after Arthur for a whole day without doing much.

"Arthur.." he called out just as the king was about to step out from his chambers. There was something he wanted to say, that he felt he could only say behind the doors of the royal chambers. Because out there Arthur was "Sire" and "King Arthur", in here, he was just "Arthur, the prat", his _friend._

"Thank you."

The king smiled at the younger man and nodded.

"Don't mention it."

"Oh, I won't _ever_, believe me." Merlin sighed and continued after Arthur.

"Ah.." The king stopped him in his tracks. "One other thing. Merlin, you might want to consider getting dressed if you want to accompany me to the courtyard.. you know."

The warlock glanced down, noticing only now he was still in his nightshirt and trousers.

"Yes.. wouldn't _that_ be embarrassing.." he mumbled.

.*.

**Not that I'd want a tooth extraction like that, but damn, drinking it away sounds tempting now. On the same note, it's not extractions that freak me out it's the darn drilling.. and the little buggers are persisting when it comes to pain, aren't they..? But**** I do feel better though~ **

**Thank the Gods, we don't have medieval dentists! Pun? Review?**


End file.
